I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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