glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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