there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
