He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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