booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
