After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
