The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
