I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
