I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could make wine with my vomit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
