Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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