you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
