Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
