Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
