i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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