I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love you. Go after that dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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