Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
