Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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