did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
