im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
