we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
