the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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