I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
