I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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