they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
