Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
