So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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