she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
