he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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