Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
