Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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