I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
