Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
