I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize