Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
