Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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