It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
