Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
