I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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