me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
