He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
