He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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