I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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