SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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