I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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