I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
