you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
