so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
