Do you still have your period?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
