I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
