cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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