do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize