he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
