I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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