She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
