I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
