I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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