Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
