it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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