i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
