It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
