if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
