...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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