Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
