i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
