I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
