you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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