Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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