Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
