i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
