i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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