Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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