I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
