dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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