i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
