i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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