isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
