I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
