you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
