is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i think my cat just said my name.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
