I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
