I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
